This time last year…

This time last year I never thought I would have made it to this point in my life. If you have been following my blog you will know that I suffer a lot with my mental health and use it as the main subject of this blog. I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me a year ago that I returned to university and was just about to start my final ever term! I probably would have just laughed in your face if I’m honest!! Let alone believe you when you tell me that I write about my feelings and brain fart thoughts in a blog!
But this time last year I didn’t actually realise I had an issue with my mental health I was on auto pilot, thinking that I was just homesick whilst at uni and away from everything familiar of home. But I really wasn’t! I was a bit of a big mess!! I’m glad that I realised I had an issue because I really wouldn’t have achieved half of the things I have now. Such as going to Reading Festival, getting back to uni and going on nights out (Even though I still really struggle with them)! It may sound silly but I went on a date with a guy the other day to a lush pub and had a beautiful steak (Probably the best steak of my life! I am not even kidding I was in steak heaven! like I know when a steak is a good steak! And that was a beautiful steak!! I cant even!). And… so anyway I was on this date and I couldn’t help but think that a year ago the hole situation would have completely freaked me out. Like the hole situation, from not only meeting up with a guy I had only really messaged a few times, to being sat in the middle of a busy restaurant and to actually eating a plate of food in front of someone. A year ago I probably would have just sat there in a ball stressing about every minor detail wanting to get out as fast as possible. But I bloody did it!! It might sound stupid to some people but I was so proud of myself!(Cue mini celebration dance) It was a bit of a ‘HELL YEAH I DID IT’ moment. It’s moments like that, that make me realise I can beat the stupid down and depressive thought that I have daily or the sudden panics when I’m not sure of a situation.
But saying that its still not all happy roses and flowers I still frequently get days where my head goes fuzzy and I click back into auto pilot, but at least now I know when I’m slipping back into that frame of mind. Some days you can feel it creeping back in like a strange black fog that’s come to take you into its depths. But even that is happening less and less. But a lot is changing for me over the next couple of months with finishing uni, finding a job so I think at times I will just have to stop for a breather and re-evaluate where my head is at.
Thanks for reading.
Little Mayfly x

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31 thoughts on “This time last year…

      1. I know when I took my last final for my undergraduate degree, I literally giggled through the final. It was AWESOME! Everyone in the exam room was looking at me as if I were nuts, but considering I didn’t finish my undergrad until I was 30, I kinda was nuts…lol

        Awesome for you, I’m so happy for you! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing better! Good luck in your final ever term – wow that’s so scary to think how quick it all comes around! Uni definitely brought out a lot of mental health problems I have been struggling with and some days I’m okay and others I’m not. I think the first step to feeling better is accepting it’s not always going to be roses – as you say! Glad to see this post though lovely 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

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